There is No Place Called Chicago; Chicago is a State of Mind

So, last night I got back from my trip to Chicago, which was surprisingly enjoyable. So I've decided to write this post to elucidate the details.

It all began Tuesday evening, when I flew out to Chicago. I got to the airport in plenty of time, and there weren't any hangups there, though I will say I'm glad I started wearing a pair of slip-on shoes not too long ago. I'm sure anyone who's been through airport security lately will understand why.

So getting onto my flight was no problem, though the flight itself was probably the most turbulent I've been on yet. The flight attendants weren't able to serve drinks to everyone on the plane, but they got to my row before they had to sit down. I poured myself a glass of 7Up just in time for a huge jostle to knock the rest of my soda can onto the floor next to my seat. Hooray. So the bottom of my shoes are still sticky. Fortunately, the guy in the middle seat had moved elsewhere at the beginning of the flight, so no one else got soaked. The rest of the flight reminded me of some amusement park rides I've been on. We made it to Chicago safely, however, so I hopped into a shuttle to the hotel.

I'm still not sure which was more harrowing, the flight in, or the shuttle ride to the hotel.

But, nevertheless, we made it to the hotel safely and I checked in with no trouble. The room was a little smaller than others I've stayed in, but maybe that's just because it was in the middle of downtown Chicago, whereas every other hotel I've stayed at was located in a more suburban environment. Also, it seemed like every damn thing in the room had a price tag on it, and a ridiculously expensive one, at that. But I didn't steal any linens or make use of the minibar, so I guess it was okay.

There wasn't much else for me to do, plus I was pretty tired from working and travelling all day, so I just went to bed relatively early Tuesday night so's I could get up in time for class. Which I did. They also served breakfast for the people attending the seminar, but all they had were some muffins, bagels, cereal and fruit. I was expecting some pastries or something, but I guess I shouldn't complain since I wasn't ultimately paying for any of it anyway.

After breakfast, the SPC class I signed up for started. It was all right, but I won't bore you with the details. There were 12 people in the class, and during the breaks and whatnot I managed to converse at least a little bit with all of them at some point. Early on, however, I established the best rapport with Ignacio and Milissa, from New Mexico. During the lunch break, some of the folks some of the people who lived around Chicago recommended a few places to eat, and I managed to finangle my way into the group heading to Giordano's later in the evening. The group included the pair from New Mexico, Katherine from Florida, myself, and Jason, Milissa's boyfriend (damn! No hitting on anyone tonight...)

So we all went out and had some good old Chicago-style pizza and fine conversation, which was a great time overall. After dinner, I went with Ignacio to see "Syriana," but apparently the theatre wasn't showing it, so we saw "Hostel" instead. I didn't want to see it, but he didn't want to see "King Kong," so I had to make a concession.

If you want to know what I thought of "Hostel," I'll say this; if you're in the mood to see plenty of drugs, sex, and violence, then I'd highly recommend it. If, on the other hand, you'd prefer to watch something with any artistic value, I'd recommend you look elsewhere. But what do you expect from Quentin Tarrantino? (The correct answer is: drugs, sex, and violence.)

So that was Wednesday night. On Thursday night I went out again with the same group, less Katherine, who had some previous engagement. The remaining four of us, however, caught a cab and headed to the Second City theatre where we saw "Iraqtile Dysfunction." Again, it was a great time, and I picked up the tab as a friendly gesture (also since Ignacio paid for my ticket.) Then we all went back to our respective hotels and rested up for the last half-day of class.

Class got out early on Friday, so I got to the airport at about 12:00 for a 3:00 flight. Also, security had to scan my bag twice, then searched it briefly, I think because I had my keys in there, but I'm not really sure. And then the flight was delayed for about 45 minutes. So I spent a lot of time in the airport waiting. But I made it home safely, and now here I am.

So what have we learned?

1) David's back from Chicago.

2) Business trips are actually pretty cool.

3) Forget SPC, deep-dish pizza is the real reason to go to Chicago.

It's been a while, but now I can finally sleep under my own warm sandwiches and cool sheets.

On the Ramifications of Existentialist Philosophy Toward the Current Theological Paradigm

Tomorrow evening, I shall depart for the mystical land of Chicago, where I shall undergo training in the ancient arts of Implementing Statistical Process Control. What this means for YOU is that I will be out of touch until I return from the trip Friday evening.

If anything interesting happens on the trip, I'll be sure to write a post on it. But frankly, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Tonight's post was brought to you by the following lessons:

1) David will be incommunicado for the next several days.

2) Business trips are dull.

3) Only a truly open mind may unlock the secrets of Implementing Statistical Process Control, but only a truly focused mind may master them.

Screw sandwiches and sheets; tonight I want a fat burrito and a thick, warm blanket.

My Proposal to the International Community

I'm tired.

What we've learned:

1) Sleeping should DEFINITELY be an Olympic sport.

Sheets and sandwiches.

Warning: Failure to Vent Radioactive Gas May Result in Reactor Core Meltdown

"I just wanted to take this opportunity to try to explain things a little bit. I know it may seem like I've been avoiding you recently, and I'm sorry for that, but it's only because, well, because I have been avoiding you.

"It's not because I don't like you--quite the opposite, in fact. You're incredibly friendly and pleasant to be around. You're also undeniably attractive. Of course, the knowledge that you're married has always been sufficient to keep me from doing anything... untoward.

"But when I heard about the... troubles between you and your husband, I don't know. Something... dark, within my mind, surfaced. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I couldn't help but see this misfortune as a potential opportunity for myself. The fact remains that you're still married, so I could only think of one thing to do in order to keep from embarrassing myself and throwing another awkward situation on top of what I'm sure is an increasingly frustrating time for you. And that thing is to simply stay away from you as much as possible.

"I know I've been selfish, and I'm sorry if I've been rude, but I can't get you out of my mind lately, and I feel like I'm barely hanging on to what sanity I have left. I'm afraid that if I had to see you any more often, I'd lose that grip completely.

"That's all I have to say."

Okay, that's it for tonight. I think you'll just have to come up with your own lessons from this post, because I sure as hell don't know what to make of it.

Now go eat your sheets.

I Need a Haircut. Also, a New Eye

Okay, okay, I'm posting, geeze.

I don't have much to say tonight, I don't think, but I've got something to say,
which is more than I've had for the past week or two, so I might as well get it down now.

To set the mood, I'd just like to inform you that I just got back from my first day at work in almost two weeks, I had basically no sleep last night, and I had my pupils dilated this morning. So I may end up spouting random crap here and there. Please bear with me.

Spoon.

See? Like that, that's what I'm talking about.

Moving on. A little while ago I was chatting on AIM with my good friend Andrew and we were discussing the qualities that make a woman desirable. He suggested I write up a post on what what I think would be the ideal balance between appearance, personality, and brains. I liked the idea, but after thinking about it for a while, I realized that's not really the way I think about women. What I'm looking for is a woman who is attractive, personable, and available. So I'll address these three aspects instead.

So, firstly, I'm looking for an attractive woman. This may sound shallow, but I think it's essential for an honest, fulfilling romantic relationship. I don't think it would be fair to either of us otherwise; I'd be disappointed at having less than I desire, and she'd resent the fact that she's not getting my full affection. The flip side of this coin, of course, is that I'd also expect any woman I'd have a relationship with to find me attractive, as well. Furthermore, I'd like to state for the record that I have seen attractive women of every shape, size, and color, so I'm not talking about some idealized magazine model of beauty, here. Sure, it'd be great to go out with a woman as attractive as, say, Catherine Zeta-Jones, but it's not a requirement. Just someone who's pleasant to look at.

Of course, a woman might be the most pleasant thing in the world to look at, but if she's also not pleasant to be around and talk with, then there's no chance of a relationship. But as with appearance, there's not really any particular personality I'm looking for, just someone who is mostly friendly, easy to converse with, and is willing to accept and reciprocate my affection. I think Andrew's "brains" attribute would factor in as a part of this--it would probably be difficult to sustain a conversation with woman who can't count to ten--but I don't necessarily agree that it's essential. It doesn't really matter to me if she just earned her GED or has Ph.D's in both quantum physics and geopolitical science, as long as she's friendly and pleasant to be around, and feels the same about me. Although, a woman who has all three of those degrees would probably be a very interesting date, to say the least.

Now, to be certain, I've met many women in my time that are both attractive and personable. In fact, if you've been keeping up with this blog, you've already read about several of them. The major sticking point for me has always been the issue of availability. Every pretty, friendly woman I've ever known long enough to consider asking out has always turned out to already have a boyfriend or husband or whatever. And I don't like the idea of "stealing" someone away from someone else, not just because of the implication of people as property, but assuming I were even capable of it, I wouldn't be able to trust her not to dump me as soon as the next best thing came along. So that's that.

Okay, I'm tired of writing now, so let's wrap this up.

Today's lessons:

1) Looks count for something.

2) Looks aren't everything.

3) I will die alone. Oh well.

Okay, I'm done. Lukewarm sheetwiches and whatnot.