Warning: Failure to Vent Radioactive Gas May Result in Reactor Core Meltdown

"I just wanted to take this opportunity to try to explain things a little bit. I know it may seem like I've been avoiding you recently, and I'm sorry for that, but it's only because, well, because I have been avoiding you.

"It's not because I don't like you--quite the opposite, in fact. You're incredibly friendly and pleasant to be around. You're also undeniably attractive. Of course, the knowledge that you're married has always been sufficient to keep me from doing anything... untoward.

"But when I heard about the... troubles between you and your husband, I don't know. Something... dark, within my mind, surfaced. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I couldn't help but see this misfortune as a potential opportunity for myself. The fact remains that you're still married, so I could only think of one thing to do in order to keep from embarrassing myself and throwing another awkward situation on top of what I'm sure is an increasingly frustrating time for you. And that thing is to simply stay away from you as much as possible.

"I know I've been selfish, and I'm sorry if I've been rude, but I can't get you out of my mind lately, and I feel like I'm barely hanging on to what sanity I have left. I'm afraid that if I had to see you any more often, I'd lose that grip completely.

"That's all I have to say."

Okay, that's it for tonight. I think you'll just have to come up with your own lessons from this post, because I sure as hell don't know what to make of it.

Now go eat your sheets.