The World is a Safe Place

Welcome, one and all, to the grand opening of D.Levine Industries. If you've come here looking to make a purchse, you're SoL, because this is a blog, not a business website. That said, let's clear up a few things before we get started.

Firstly, the reason I have decided to start this blog is because Chris said I should. I had thought about starting a blog when I found out about his blog, but decided against it, since I would only have been copying him. He told me, however, that he himself was just copying his brother, so now I don't feel so bad about it.

Secondly, a little bit about myself, for those of you who don't know, or for those who do, but always wanted to see it in print. My name is David, I live in a suburb of Minneapolis with my three darling children: Playstation, XBox, and L'il Compy. I am what many would call a "shut-in," as evidenced by the fact that I refer to my various electronic entertainment systems as children. The rest I'm sure you can figure out on your own.

Okay, now that the setup is out of the way, let's get down to the actual content.

Today, I'd like to tell you a story. It's a true story, one that occurred just yesterday, in fact. The reason I'd like to tell you this particular story is because it is a fine illustration of why I have chosen the shut-in lifestyle. Though I, myself, am a shut-in, I know a number of people who are not. These people often encourage me to "get out more," "be more social," and that sort of thing. My usual response to these suggestions is a noncommital shrug and a glazed look which (accurately) suggests that I'd rather be at home alone than listening to this nonsense. Today, however, I have a more substantial response. And it goes like this:

I was at the bank yesterday to cash a check. When I walked into the bank I saw a young woman at the counter where one fills out deposit slips and such. She was just finishing up and moved away to get in line for the cashier. I noticed, however, that she left a pair of gloves at the counter. Now, being the considerate sort of fellow that I am, I feel inclined to bring this to her attention, but the line quickly filled up behind her, and I had my own deposit slip to fill out. So, I let it go for the time being and proceeded to complete all the necessary paperwork for my desired transaction. Still, though, I hate to imagine that this young woman would step back out into the cold with unprotected hands when I could have done something about it. Plus, it was an opportunity to try out some of that advice from all those non-shut-in types. So, before getting in line for the cashier myself, I pick up the gloves and take them over to the young woman. In my imagination, the conversation goes something like this:

David: "Excuse me, did you leave these gloves over at the counter?"
Young Woman: "Oh, yes, I did. I hadn't even noticed, thank you! You're so considerate. And handsome. Here's my phone number."

And they lived happily ever after.

Now let's see the same scene again, only this time set in the REAL world:

David: "Excuse me, did you leave these gloves over at the counter."
Young Woman: "Nope. Thanks, though."
David: "Oh. Okay."

At which point I put the gloves back on the counter, got in line for the cashier, and never saw the young woman again.

Yet people wonder why I don't get out more.


Next time: My complete and unabridged sexual history! Saucy!