Mawwiage, that Bwessed Awwangement, that Dweam Wifin a Dweam
I hate weddings.
Theoretically, I mean. I don't even remember the last time I actually went to a wedding, but I'm sure it was over a decade ago. I've had the opportunity to attend two weddings in the past year, that I can remember, though I don't think I was officially invited to either. That's part of the reason I didn't attend; I was not distinguished from my parents for the sake of invitations. The primary reason I refused both opportunities, however, is that when I try to imagine myself at a wedding, I find it impossible to imagine enjoying myself.
Okay, so, apparently, I'm a selfish bastard. I can't just be happy for two people who are happy with each other. Instead, I take every marriage as a personal insult. "Hey, loser! Look at us; we're so good at relationships we're getting married! How successful was your last relationship? Oh, that's right, you haven't had any! Loser!"
Of course, that's a pretty preposterous way to view the whole institution, but it's enough to keep me home. Besides, what if I did go to a wedding? I'd spend the whole time either moping in a corner, or trying to hide my seething resentment. I can think of any number of ways I'd rather spend my time. Writing this blog, for instance. Or plucking my nose hairs.
Now, I can think of exceptions. I would certainly attend the wedding of a good friend--any of the four or so people who read this blog regularly, for example. I'd still probably have a miserable time, but I could at least be genuinely happy for the couple. The problem here, though--and I mean no offense, guys--but let's face it; that's not terribly likely to happen any time soon.
Besides all that, how can anyone be expected to take a wedding seriously anymore, anyway? I'm pretty sure the divorce rate went over %50 a few years ago. Knowing that most marriages are doomed, how am I supposed to believe that, as happy as these two are with each other now, they won't be at each others' throats in 5 years? It's just laughable.
Okay, so, what have we learned?
1) Forget you, weddings.
2) I'm a selfish bastard.
3) Quit getting married, you idiots! You're just going to get divorced.
All right, I'm done. For now.
Theoretically, I mean. I don't even remember the last time I actually went to a wedding, but I'm sure it was over a decade ago. I've had the opportunity to attend two weddings in the past year, that I can remember, though I don't think I was officially invited to either. That's part of the reason I didn't attend; I was not distinguished from my parents for the sake of invitations. The primary reason I refused both opportunities, however, is that when I try to imagine myself at a wedding, I find it impossible to imagine enjoying myself.
Okay, so, apparently, I'm a selfish bastard. I can't just be happy for two people who are happy with each other. Instead, I take every marriage as a personal insult. "Hey, loser! Look at us; we're so good at relationships we're getting married! How successful was your last relationship? Oh, that's right, you haven't had any! Loser!"
Of course, that's a pretty preposterous way to view the whole institution, but it's enough to keep me home. Besides, what if I did go to a wedding? I'd spend the whole time either moping in a corner, or trying to hide my seething resentment. I can think of any number of ways I'd rather spend my time. Writing this blog, for instance. Or plucking my nose hairs.
Now, I can think of exceptions. I would certainly attend the wedding of a good friend--any of the four or so people who read this blog regularly, for example. I'd still probably have a miserable time, but I could at least be genuinely happy for the couple. The problem here, though--and I mean no offense, guys--but let's face it; that's not terribly likely to happen any time soon.
Besides all that, how can anyone be expected to take a wedding seriously anymore, anyway? I'm pretty sure the divorce rate went over %50 a few years ago. Knowing that most marriages are doomed, how am I supposed to believe that, as happy as these two are with each other now, they won't be at each others' throats in 5 years? It's just laughable.
Okay, so, what have we learned?
1) Forget you, weddings.
2) I'm a selfish bastard.
3) Quit getting married, you idiots! You're just going to get divorced.
All right, I'm done. For now.
posted by David R. Nevel | 12:39 PM
3 Comments:
That's interesting... I consider myself similarly unlikely to get married anytime soon, but I love going to weddings. I went to the last one in July, and it was the first time since graduation that I didn't know of at least one more coming up. I'll fly out to the other coast, take a day off work, whatever needs to happen.
Really, though, that's just because they're for friends (or relatives) of mine. I wouldn't enjoy it as much if they were random strangers.
I think there are two big reasons why I like them, besides just feeling good for the people who are getting married. First, it's a great chance to catch up with people. I have so few opportunities to see old friends now that we've scattered all over the country; a wedding is a really convenient excuse for a bunch of us to get back together. When I think of "wedding" I tend not to think of just the ceremony itself, but the entire weekend, including all the time I'll spend with family and friends.
Second, it's a special, rare event. Despite the increase in divorces and remarriages, most people will only have a maximum of a few over their entire life. It's hard for me to get sick of them because they're so different... everyone wants to do something just a little differently than anyone else.
Oh, and there's free booze, and sometimes there's actually a good DJ and dancing. That's fun, too.
Regarding divorce rate: this has nothing to do with your post, but I think it's fascinating that Massachusetts, which is the only state with legal gay marriage, is also the state with the lowest divorce rate in the US. In my opinion, the message is clear: in order to Defend Marriage, we must make sure the other 49 states follow MA's lead!
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David, I know what you mean with regard to the personal insult feeling. I too only like weddings if it's a close friend or close family member. Otherwise it's just, "Welcome to the show of ME!! I'm SO COOL because I can dig it with the ladies, jerk!" That said, if I were getting married, I wouldn't focus on the wedding so much as on the marriage. I have a personal conviction to never be divorced. No way am I getting married unless I am positive that that won't happen.
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