Mawwiage, that Bwessed Awwangement, that Dweam Wifin a Dweam
I hate weddings.
Theoretically, I mean. I don't even remember the last time I actually went to a wedding, but I'm sure it was over a decade ago. I've had the opportunity to attend two weddings in the past year, that I can remember, though I don't think I was officially invited to either. That's part of the reason I didn't attend; I was not distinguished from my parents for the sake of invitations. The primary reason I refused both opportunities, however, is that when I try to imagine myself at a wedding, I find it impossible to imagine enjoying myself.
Okay, so, apparently, I'm a selfish bastard. I can't just be happy for two people who are happy with each other. Instead, I take every marriage as a personal insult. "Hey, loser! Look at us; we're so good at relationships we're getting married! How successful was your last relationship? Oh, that's right, you haven't had any! Loser!"
Of course, that's a pretty preposterous way to view the whole institution, but it's enough to keep me home. Besides, what if I did go to a wedding? I'd spend the whole time either moping in a corner, or trying to hide my seething resentment. I can think of any number of ways I'd rather spend my time. Writing this blog, for instance. Or plucking my nose hairs.
Now, I can think of exceptions. I would certainly attend the wedding of a good friend--any of the four or so people who read this blog regularly, for example. I'd still probably have a miserable time, but I could at least be genuinely happy for the couple. The problem here, though--and I mean no offense, guys--but let's face it; that's not terribly likely to happen any time soon.
Besides all that, how can anyone be expected to take a wedding seriously anymore, anyway? I'm pretty sure the divorce rate went over %50 a few years ago. Knowing that most marriages are doomed, how am I supposed to believe that, as happy as these two are with each other now, they won't be at each others' throats in 5 years? It's just laughable.
Okay, so, what have we learned?
1) Forget you, weddings.
2) I'm a selfish bastard.
3) Quit getting married, you idiots! You're just going to get divorced.
All right, I'm done. For now.
Theoretically, I mean. I don't even remember the last time I actually went to a wedding, but I'm sure it was over a decade ago. I've had the opportunity to attend two weddings in the past year, that I can remember, though I don't think I was officially invited to either. That's part of the reason I didn't attend; I was not distinguished from my parents for the sake of invitations. The primary reason I refused both opportunities, however, is that when I try to imagine myself at a wedding, I find it impossible to imagine enjoying myself.
Okay, so, apparently, I'm a selfish bastard. I can't just be happy for two people who are happy with each other. Instead, I take every marriage as a personal insult. "Hey, loser! Look at us; we're so good at relationships we're getting married! How successful was your last relationship? Oh, that's right, you haven't had any! Loser!"
Of course, that's a pretty preposterous way to view the whole institution, but it's enough to keep me home. Besides, what if I did go to a wedding? I'd spend the whole time either moping in a corner, or trying to hide my seething resentment. I can think of any number of ways I'd rather spend my time. Writing this blog, for instance. Or plucking my nose hairs.
Now, I can think of exceptions. I would certainly attend the wedding of a good friend--any of the four or so people who read this blog regularly, for example. I'd still probably have a miserable time, but I could at least be genuinely happy for the couple. The problem here, though--and I mean no offense, guys--but let's face it; that's not terribly likely to happen any time soon.
Besides all that, how can anyone be expected to take a wedding seriously anymore, anyway? I'm pretty sure the divorce rate went over %50 a few years ago. Knowing that most marriages are doomed, how am I supposed to believe that, as happy as these two are with each other now, they won't be at each others' throats in 5 years? It's just laughable.
Okay, so, what have we learned?
1) Forget you, weddings.
2) I'm a selfish bastard.
3) Quit getting married, you idiots! You're just going to get divorced.
All right, I'm done. For now.
posted by David R. Nevel | 12:39 PM
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3 comments
